ouch

So, I looked at the date today just like any other day. I wrote it down in all of my classes. I read it on every board. Just like any other day it seemed; but it's not; or at least it wouldn't be. Today is the tenth, it would be a year and a half today. I was going to give her her ring today, and we would've been so happy. That's the way it was supposed to happen. However, it wasn't like that. It was just another day...

Listen...

Tear down this wall
Look down the hall
Tell me can you see me now?
Please show your face
Please show your grace
Tell me can you show me how...

To listen
To make you smile
To feel you for more than a little while
I used to be your Superman
Your Peter Pan
But tell me when did I become your devil?
Show me how to listen...

Now do you care
With your careless stare
Are you feeling this like me
You say we're fine
That you're still mine
But how can I get you to see...

To listen
To just hold your smile
to hold me for more than a little while
We used to get
through all this stuff
but now it seems were getting stuck
Don't live like your in denial...

I still love you
More than life
and I hope not even death will part us
Above everything
In this world
This is true, true love

Please kiss me
now hold me
let me know you're mine
'Cause a once in a lifetime love
Comes once in a lifetime

Now just listen
Like a little child
You've been running
For so many miles
Just catch your breath
Oh careful watch your step
I can help you on your way down
Give me your hand
I'll help you stand
I can put your feet back on the ground
If you'd just listen...

old memories

I just found a song I wrote from a few weeks before Beth and I broke up. It was when she pretended to break up with me, but sort of actually thought about it. I was really upset after seeing how she really felt and I guess that should have been a sign. Anyway, I just found it barried in my wallet (which I also just found), and I just needed to put some chords to it. It's nothing to amazing, I'll post it later. I just needed to get it out though.

Manana mindset

I apologize for the last post, lame times one hundred. I would like to say, however, "wouldn't it be nice if were older?" God is...I cant even fathom what His is, and that's what makes Him so great! God give me direction, give me a purpose driven life!

top of the heap

Gosh I've been emotionally knotted for quite some time now. Story time anyone? I keep reverting back to old memories, thinking maybe this is just a bad dream. Maybe it's just a break, or a joke (not that funny). As much as I feel I'm "free", I still feel this weight. "There's chain on my heart, I cant describe it. It's like a cold metal bar, that weighs on my mind. And that's not all, of the total dilema...I cant, you cant, only the truth can change. There's a ball on the chain, at the pit my stomach. It keeps me awake, it hurts me at night. But that's not all of what I've got going...I cant, you cant, only the truth can change." The truth. The truth? God knows the truth, and that's about it. I'm over it, but am I? How is it that I can see her and smile? I know it cant be real, God knows it's not, but does she? Does she fake it? I am happy know, don't get me wrong. I love where things are going...but I'm having troubles with where they are right now. I had a dream the other night; a simple dream. I dreamt of a kiss, I could not tell who I was with. But I wanted it to be her. I wanted it to be ok again. I wanted to be able to hold her, and feel safe again. They say, "You never forget your first love,". I think it's easier than that. I say you never forget love, it's impossible to shun it out of sight and mind. God gave me a heart, I intend on using it. I just thought he'd given me someone to give my love to. It's times like these that I get confused on how I feel. I love the Lord, I don't deserve His love though. However, my ignorance can be very frusterating. I know God knows what He's doing, but just wish He'd throw me a bone. If I could get a split second glance into the future just to know everything turns out ok, I pray I could. I'm not saying that I have to get back together with her, all I want is to be loved. I know that can sometimes be a lot to ask from someone, and who am I to ask what God asks of us. I just want to love, to be loved. God grant me serenity, and wisdom. God give me faith like Moses and Joshua. Let me be strong and courageous, for you have commanded me. Let Your love flow!

Long Journey Home

There’s a boy who is walking
And he’s holding his shoes
He has his head held high
Though he’s just heard bad news
It’s raining a little
Drops here and there
The boy sees the rain
But doesn’t seem to care
He’s used to the rain
And all the thunder storms
He sees them a lot
And hears their great roars

He walks on the pavement
And he walks in the sand
Walking without shoes
Can be something quite grand
The boy feels different
And the boy feels alive
Though it’s a little difficult
The boy will survive
He will keep walking
No matter how long it takes
For the fun times wont stop him
From seeing this place

He walks on the gravel
And he steps on a rock
His feet hurt a little
But he continues to walk
He’s just now begun
And his feet start to burn
It’s hard without shoes
The boy will soon learn
The ground is so hard
But he walks with great haste
For hard times wont stop him
From seeing this place

He goes barefoot now
He’s worn shoes far too long
He shows off his feet
For shoes are just wrong
He’s thought about stopping
And grabbing his shoes
But he’s gone so far
And with shoes he would loose
He tosses his shoes
They wont win the race
For shoes wont stop him
From seeing this place

Some people stop
And offer a ride
“No thanks”, he says
“I can manage just fine”
Cars drive by
They stare and they gaze
The boy meets their eyes
And on the path the boy stays
With his hands on his head
And then his hands on his waist
People wont stop him
From seeing this place

His feet are now useless
For the pain is so great
The boy’s out of breath
And is in a critical state
His legs are on fire
Though its freezing outside
Water mixing with tears
Pain the boy hides
His feet are still burning
But he keeps up his pace
For pain will not stop him
From seeing this place

The rain now picks up
But the boy does not slow
The rain will soon stop
This the boy knows
His fingers are freezing
And his toes are now numb
The boy keeps on walking
For the sun will soon come
His body is soaked
Water’s in his taste
But the rain will not stop him
From seeing this place

The boy runs ahead
And jumps for the stars
He will never stop
No matter how far
He’s nearly there now
Another mile or two
It seems so much farther
When you go without shoes
The boy keeps on running
No matter the case
The distance wont stop him
From seeing this place

The boy sees his Dad
With His arms open wide
He runs to Him quickly
And the boy starts to cry
“Where were you”, he asks
With tears down his cheeks
“I was with you, my son
You just had to seek
I was the sand
That felt good through your toes
And the rain that fell
From your hair to your nose
I was the gravel
That hardened your feet
And I was there pushing you
When you felt you were beat”
“Why was it so far
To get from there to here?”
The boy asked his Dad
Who then smiled with cheer
“It doesn’t matter how long
Your long journey took
All that matters is you’re here”
As He gave the boy a proud look
The Father took the boy
With a huge smile on his face
“I love you, my son
And now this is your place”

romance

Everyone of us are on a collision course with a powerfully dramatic romance, but all too often we do not see signs. Our need to be delivered, a faithful heroic lover and the mysterious activities surrounding the circumstances of our deliverance are all there, but unfortunately many people die never having known they were being romanced.

I saw this randomly on a bulletin...odd huh?