Happy Mother's Day

I wish I could have told you in person.
Lord knows how that would have gone down.
Is it that hard to talk?
All I can do is smile...
and oddly enough, it's getting easier to see yours.
You are happy, I can see it.
I don't want to hold you from anything,
not that I ever could.
You are your own person, you always have been.
I could never change that...
or be a part of it.
Nevermind me, I know not what I'm saying.
I would like to say,
you were happy I believe;
once with me.
I would like to, but I don't think I should.
"We musn't assume children",
The teacher proclaims.
It's been a long time since then,
but I really do want to talk to you.
It doesn't have to be about us, or lack-there-of,
I just want to talk.
Maybe after this guy,
if there is an after.
I imagine there will be though,
I know there was for me.
What happened though?
That's all I really want to know,
what happened?
Was I too clingy?
Too distant?
Did I talk too much?
Not enough?
My looks?
Maybe it wasn't me.
Maybe you just got bored.
I can understand that,
I hardly suprised you with anything.
Unfortunately I couldn't drive you around,
I imagine you would have loved a day in the snow.
You were always so beautiful though.
The thing was, you didn't know it;
not like I did at least.
The sad thing for me is, you're still beautiful.
I wish it weren't that way.
I begun feeling that I almost wish
I had never met you; you cant miss
what you never had, right?
"It's better to have loved, and lost,
than to have never loved at all."
At least that's what they say.
Is it true though?
I keep playing in back in my head,
maybe if I had done something different.
Maybe if I had fought you, would you have stayed?
Or would I just be delaying the inevittable?
If only you would give me a sign,
anything to just let me know that you felt something.
Did you?
Just know that I really do love you, and care about you.
I wish you well, and can honestly say I that am truly happy for you.
There is just so much that I wish I could say,
but there's no possible way you would let me talk to you about something serious;
nor would I be able to work up the nerve.
Maybe, just maybe, if I can catch you when you're free, and I don't have anything to loose.
What's the worst that could happen anyway?
"No", is that it?
Well if we're going off of me not having anything to loose, then I would ask again.
You owe me that much I think.
So, if you see me, please don't just smile.
Say my name.
You don't understand how much I light up when you say my name.
I'm still in love with the thought of us.
I'm still in love with the memory of you.
But for now, I will keep up with my facade,
I will wear my pretty little mask when you come around.
Just know, not a day goes by that I don't think of you.
Sincerley, me